Scripting

I remember of coming up with a random joke prank, so when I stumbled upon this comment in the /r/bash subreddit, I absolutely had to try it. I modified it slightly and used a one-liner jokes list I found in Github too. It works in macOS monterey 12.2.1 Here’s what it does: Sets the volume at maximum Creates a temp dir in ~ ($HOME) Downloads a list of jokes from Github Select one randomly and say it out loud using the computer speakers Remove the list of jokes #! /bin/bash # ░░░░░▄▄▄▄▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▄▄▄▄▄▄░░░░░░░ # ░░░░░█░░░░▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒░░▀▀▄░░░░ # ░░░░█░░░▒▒▒▒▒▒░░░░░░░░▒▒▒░░█░░░ # ░░░█░░░░░░▄██▀▄▄░░░░░▄▄▄░░░░█░░ # ░▄▀▒▄▄▄▒░█▀▀▀▀▄▄█░░░██▄▄█░░░░█░ # █░▒█▒▄░▀▄▄▄▀░░░░░░░░█░░░▒▒▒▒▒░█ # █░▒█░█▀▄▄░░░░░█▀░░░░▀▄░░▄▀▀▀▄▒█ # ░█░▀▄░█▄░█▀▄▄░▀░▀▀░▄▄▀░░░░█░░█░ # ░░█░░░▀▄▀█▄▄░█▀▀▀▄▄▄▄▀▀█▀██░█░░ # ░░░█░░░░██░░▀█▄▄▄█▄▄█▄████░█░░░ # ░░░░█░░░░▀▀▄░█░░░█░█▀██████░█░░ # ░░░░░▀▄░░░░░▀▀▄▄▄█▄█▄█▄█▄▀░░█░░ # ░░░░░░░▀▄▄░▒▒▒▒░░░░░░░░░░▒░░░█░ # ░░░░░░░░░░▀▀▄▄░▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒░░░░█░ # ░░░░░░░░░░░░░░▀▄▄▄▄▄░░░░░░░░█░░ # Get current volume cur_vol=$(osascript -e 'output volume of (get volume settings)') # To restore vol to current level restore_vol=$(echo ${cur_vol}/14 | bc) # Get bool if muted mute_state=$(osascript -e 'output muted of (get volume settings)') # If system doesn't have gshuf, not gonna work if [ ! -f $(which gshuf) ] ; then exit ; exit fi # Set vol to max osascript -e "set Volume 10" # Create temp dir if [ -d ~/temp ] ; then tempe=1 else tempe=0 mkdir ~/temp fi # Create list of annoying things to say curl -s https://raw.githubusercontent.com/jpf/dial-a-joke/master/jokes/www.textfiles.com/humor/JOKES/onelinrs.txt > ~/temp/jokes # Use gshuf to generate radom permutations # Use -n1 to get a phrase from list # Pipe it to say to transform text to speech (macOS) # Select a random voice that supports en_ (english) gshuf -n1 ~/temp/jokes | say --voice $(say --voice '?' | grep en_ | gshuf -n1 | awk '{ print $1 }') # Restore volume osascript -e "set Volume ${restore_vol}" if [[ ${mute_state} == "true" ]] ; then osascript -e 'set volume output muted true' fi # Cleanup if [[ ${tempe} = 0 ]] ; then \rm -Rf ~/temp else \rm -f ~/temp/jokes fi Put it somewhere hidden like /usr/local/tmp and change the mod to executable ...